The Billionaire Bible According to MAGA Jesus
The Sacred Scam of Donald J. Trump, Patron Saint of Suckers
My close friend
reports the daily news in a hilariously, snarky, profane way. EXACTLY the way that this Mouthy Renegade Writer prefers his news. I read him every time, but this one really stood out. I knew I had to make it my Monday bonus article for y’all to enjoy.Please hit that subscribe button for my guy. I feel that every member of the Mouthy Militia should also be subscribed to his page. He’s incredible, and it’s a bargain at less than $5 monthly. Here’s where you can support him:
K.R.'s Kick-Ass News Network!
The worst orange chicken recipe ever: the Lord of Tacos himself, Donald fucking Trump, has been the most effective swindler I’ve ever known of in my entire life. The self-proclaimed swamp-drainer and “champion of the people” has somehow amassed more wealth than any other sitting politician in United States history.
Unlike Don-the-Con, I’m not trying to get something for nothing. Upgrade to paid today to help me along the way!
Thank you!
SUBSCRIBE HERE
Remember when right-wing folks used to wail and moan about liberals raking in cash from book deals, speeches, and guest spots on cable news?
“Durrr, but how did they make a million dollars, Kenyon, if not for the underground elite lizard cabal?”
Oh, the horror: millions of dollars for talking. Even after they were out of office, the complaints flowed like Budweiser at a NASCAR tailgate.
Who was usually complaining? That’s right: the same folks now waving flags with Trump's motto on them. Fuckin’ MAGA.
Do these individuals not understand that their guy, the sitting President during the opening act of the biggest wealth transfer in human history (a.k.a. the COVID pandemic), basically hit the economic Powerball… while we were all hoarding toilet paper and waiting for stimulus checks?
If you’ve ever talked to me outside of social media, you already know I absolutely hate writing about Trump. I can’t ignore the Big Beautiful Bullshit, though, or all of Trump's broken promises to his own following.
I’ve talked about his Big Beautiful Bill before. I’ve talked about him bombing people. I’ve talked about the conflicts we’re tangled in now. Honestly, I’d rather write about fucking toe fungus, or fiction, or really anything else.
Let’s rip the Band-Aid off and get started.
As of mid-2025, Trump pulled off the kind of heist that makes D.B. Cooper look like a failed convenience store robber. In early 2024, his net worth floated between $2.3 and $2.7 billion.
Not Bezos or Musk level, but still not bad for a guy who hawked steaks and ran a fake university.
Then things went full dirty used car salesman.
By the time he waddled back into the White House in 2025, he’d jumped to between $5.1 and $7.1 billion. That’s before his financial circle jerk hit the blockchain. Cue the $TRUMP coin. This memecoin took off faster than his blood pressure around Ivanka, launching his theoretical wealth into the tens of billions. At peak, his holdings were worth around $58 billion. Yes. Billion. With a fucking B.
He held 800 million out of 1 billion tokens in circulation. Super ethical and not cringey, at best, for a sitting president.
I’m just getting started, because then came the social media settlements. After being banned by Meta and X, Trump sued them and actually won. Meta shelled out $25 million (presumably to build a golden toilet in his library), and X handed over another $10 million. Small potatoes in billionaire-land, but huge wins for the Trump brand.
Most of us have been banned on social media before, and I guarantee it defamed us far more than it defamed Trump. Are we entitled to millions?
It’s a fucking joke, right? I keep waiting for his followers to be like, “Gotcha! We knew he was a dill hole. We’ll impeach him for real now.”
Fuck Trump.
I should know better by now than to expect these dumbasses to figure it out. The lizard cabal quip wasn’t a fucking joke. Some people actually, seriously believe that shit.
This man, this Peace Prize-seeking, swamp-draining, gold-plated grifter, bombed Iran without any direct provocation to us and without approval to start a war. Why? Because he wanted to look tough? Or wanted his micro peen to feel big in his panties? Or distract the media?
Either way, he shoved our nose right back into the same damn Middle Eastern chaos we never seem to learn from. The same Middle East bullshit he said, hundreds of times, he would stay out of or solve. And instead: BOOM! Bunker busters.
Why are we still backing a nation (cough Israel cough) with one of the most efficient intelligence and assassination programs on Earth, yet somehow they can’t manage to find the leadership of Hamas they claim to be after? Instead, they blow up schools and bomb breadlines.
Spare me the excuses. This shit is coordinated genocide.
Trump’s followers act like this guy is Moses, and the red hat is their new holy symbol. They don’t care if their kids’ futures are torched, as long as Daddy Don gets richer and “owns the libtards.” It’s Stockholm Syndrome with more flags and even less critical thinking.
Honestly, it blows my fucking mind. We’ve had violent leaders, greedy leaders, corrupt leaders. Trump might be the first in our nation’s history to be greedy, violent, and corrupt all at once, while his followers cheer him on.
His con is so effective, his marks defend him while he cashes in and trades away their futures. You can't even make this shit up.
Anyway. This flaming pile of dogshit they call an administration has eaten enough of my time and yours. I put together the numbers. I gave you the receipts. I even threw in some rage seasoning. I'm gonna go live my life and try not to think about this leathery con man until tomorrow morning when I read the news again and, inevitably, there will be his ugly orange fucking face.
 | A guest post by
|
Great writer. Thanks for sharing Mouthy.
Your rage doesn’t come anywhere near mine and I just want my head to blow up so I won’t have to hear anything else about this ratfucker ever!!!!!