Sen. Ron Wyden announced that he will be hosting an “open-to-all town hall” on Tuesday, instead of attending Trump’s rant in front of a joint session of Congress. Wyden said: “If you’re looking for something to do … besides watching Trump lie for two hours, all are welcome to tune in.”
So unfortunate that your father was a pastor who needed to set the example rather than the contrary. But that was parenting in the olden days. But you were not destroyed but LEARNED a very valuable lesson…WHAT NOT TO DO!!!! And now you have a happier family with more trust.
My mom was that way with me and I had to say rather than berate me all day, just hit me with yard stick and get it over with. I was 13 when I said that and when taken by surprise , she had nothing to say. Next time that happened, I broke her yard stick. This was before Child Abuse laws. We were by all standards pretty good kids, but mom was from China and expected perfect obedience and respect; we were American raised and did roll our eyes. But that stopped after this!
I am SO fortunate. I was bullied in school but never at home. The explanation that I'll never understand was "you smile too much." Redistricting saved me--gave me 5th and 6th grade at a different school--and returning for 7th was a whole different ball game. And then we moved :D
My abuse went much deeper physical mental emotional psychological and spiritual. But any type of abuse on any level is horrendous and despicable. Fucks up kids for life
And thats why I never had kids. Because I didn't want to be an asshole and fuck up my kids the way that bully did to me. Given the way this country is turning towards facisum... well you know.
Yup, “LARDASS” was his favorite nickname for me. Lovely. NOT. Mother was his greatest enabler and insisted “I needed to learn to cope with it” and he was only kidding, didn’t mean it, blah, blah, blah…..
Dad was and still is a bully. We called him Archie. As in Archie Bunker. He even resembles him. He’s just gotten meaner in his 80s. I’m the second of four girls. Dad didn’t have any sons and I honestly think that was for the best. It was hard enough for us girls, I would not want to see what he’d do to a boy. We were called whores if we wore what he considered too much makeup or clothes he felt unbecoming. We were not the type to wear revealing clothing. Being raised by dad we didn’t have the best self esteem. We were modest. I was very shy which made it worse. We were not allowed to express our opinions or talk back. I coped by staying in my room a lot, when I wasn’t outside with friends. Dad is not a nice man. I don’t know what happened to him but it must have been bad cuz we were mentally and a few times physically abused. I’m 58 and still deal with the trauma of it. Mom was quiet. She tried to protect us but she didn’t really know how to do it came down to we won’t tell your dad. That made it worse. Even to this dad the fear of how HE will react is first to come to my mom’s mom. Know she’s too old to leave. He tortures her day in day out with his cruel words, complaining loud enough in the other room so she can hear. He’s just a miserable person who created misery in our lives. His friends and the outer world would never believe this. He always put on an image for the outside world. Even to this day he makes our lives shit. I avoid him as much as possible but his effect on my life will never go away. I swore to raise my girls different and I did. If you’re a parent remember you are helping a human being and what you say and do goes with them forever. Be compassionate and imagine how you would hope someone would have responded to you as a child. Love is so easy. If you can’t give don’t have kids.
My father hated women - that was my mother and myself. The boys ended up being coddled and imitating him when they had kids.😟
I took his bullying and abuse then challenged myself. When I was told I was stupid, I got better grades. When I was told I would never be as beautiful as my mother, I agreed but knew I would be more athletic. When I was told no one will love me, I decided to help others heal from trauma.
Of course there was the physical abuse. My mother said once, “he could hit you and you wouldn’t flinch”. I told her that he never hit the boys because they could hit back. She hadn’t thought of that. So I learned the martial arts and he left me alone.
It’s not that I haven’t been affected, I have flashbacks too. But learning about CPTSD has held a lot.
So what I’m getting at is that it’s not what happened to me that I focused on, it was “what can I do about this?” that kept me going. Who can I get as allies? If talk therapy didn’t work, what will work? If I know that I’m a target for bullies, where can I go to find out how to deal with this? This is how resilience starts.
I can understand you forgiving your father but not forgetting. My father was not the bully like yours, but he did make some very unkind and hurtful remarks that I have never forgotten.
Like you I have made sure I did not repeat this with my children.
My father was a Japanese prisoner of war for four years. I was born 3 years after he came home. Apparently those 4 years of abuse gave him the right to emotionally and physically abuse his children. I will not forgive or forget.
My parents were not the bullying type, but we lived in an area of intellectual and monetary poorness. We were in a Canadian favella and going to school was always an adventure: What gang bully am I going to encounter, this morning ? We finally overcame all these fuckers by being faster on foot and faster between the ears. They are all dead now or just rotting in some cheap hospice.
People are assholes. That's what Mom would say. Every day, I came home and she had me sit down at the dining room table to tell her about my day. Miss you mom--she left to her reward in 2011. Thank God for my little brother
Sen. Ron Wyden announced that he will be hosting an “open-to-all town hall” on Tuesday, instead of attending Trump’s rant in front of a joint session of Congress. Wyden said: “If you’re looking for something to do … besides watching Trump lie for two hours, all are welcome to tune in.”
Thousands of us will be joining!
https://blogspot.us15.list-manage.com/track/click?u=0890ebdb3902bd4cdf592750a&id=e90dce7948&e=9bd07a9a98
So unfortunate that your father was a pastor who needed to set the example rather than the contrary. But that was parenting in the olden days. But you were not destroyed but LEARNED a very valuable lesson…WHAT NOT TO DO!!!! And now you have a happier family with more trust.
My mom was that way with me and I had to say rather than berate me all day, just hit me with yard stick and get it over with. I was 13 when I said that and when taken by surprise , she had nothing to say. Next time that happened, I broke her yard stick. This was before Child Abuse laws. We were by all standards pretty good kids, but mom was from China and expected perfect obedience and respect; we were American raised and did roll our eyes. But that stopped after this!
I am SO fortunate. I was bullied in school but never at home. The explanation that I'll never understand was "you smile too much." Redistricting saved me--gave me 5th and 6th grade at a different school--and returning for 7th was a whole different ball game. And then we moved :D
Problem solved.
My abuse went much deeper physical mental emotional psychological and spiritual. But any type of abuse on any level is horrendous and despicable. Fucks up kids for life
Dear heart
Good for you, Jason. Being a real man and a good dad means being kind
And thats why I never had kids. Because I didn't want to be an asshole and fuck up my kids the way that bully did to me. Given the way this country is turning towards facisum... well you know.
My pastor preached about Gentleness this morning. I finally figured out how to be with a Gentle Man. 30 years this summer.
Yup, “LARDASS” was his favorite nickname for me. Lovely. NOT. Mother was his greatest enabler and insisted “I needed to learn to cope with it” and he was only kidding, didn’t mean it, blah, blah, blah…..
Dad was and still is a bully. We called him Archie. As in Archie Bunker. He even resembles him. He’s just gotten meaner in his 80s. I’m the second of four girls. Dad didn’t have any sons and I honestly think that was for the best. It was hard enough for us girls, I would not want to see what he’d do to a boy. We were called whores if we wore what he considered too much makeup or clothes he felt unbecoming. We were not the type to wear revealing clothing. Being raised by dad we didn’t have the best self esteem. We were modest. I was very shy which made it worse. We were not allowed to express our opinions or talk back. I coped by staying in my room a lot, when I wasn’t outside with friends. Dad is not a nice man. I don’t know what happened to him but it must have been bad cuz we were mentally and a few times physically abused. I’m 58 and still deal with the trauma of it. Mom was quiet. She tried to protect us but she didn’t really know how to do it came down to we won’t tell your dad. That made it worse. Even to this dad the fear of how HE will react is first to come to my mom’s mom. Know she’s too old to leave. He tortures her day in day out with his cruel words, complaining loud enough in the other room so she can hear. He’s just a miserable person who created misery in our lives. His friends and the outer world would never believe this. He always put on an image for the outside world. Even to this day he makes our lives shit. I avoid him as much as possible but his effect on my life will never go away. I swore to raise my girls different and I did. If you’re a parent remember you are helping a human being and what you say and do goes with them forever. Be compassionate and imagine how you would hope someone would have responded to you as a child. Love is so easy. If you can’t give don’t have kids.
My father hated women - that was my mother and myself. The boys ended up being coddled and imitating him when they had kids.😟
I took his bullying and abuse then challenged myself. When I was told I was stupid, I got better grades. When I was told I would never be as beautiful as my mother, I agreed but knew I would be more athletic. When I was told no one will love me, I decided to help others heal from trauma.
Of course there was the physical abuse. My mother said once, “he could hit you and you wouldn’t flinch”. I told her that he never hit the boys because they could hit back. She hadn’t thought of that. So I learned the martial arts and he left me alone.
It’s not that I haven’t been affected, I have flashbacks too. But learning about CPTSD has held a lot.
So what I’m getting at is that it’s not what happened to me that I focused on, it was “what can I do about this?” that kept me going. Who can I get as allies? If talk therapy didn’t work, what will work? If I know that I’m a target for bullies, where can I go to find out how to deal with this? This is how resilience starts.
I can understand you forgiving your father but not forgetting. My father was not the bully like yours, but he did make some very unkind and hurtful remarks that I have never forgotten.
Like you I have made sure I did not repeat this with my children.
My father was a Japanese prisoner of war for four years. I was born 3 years after he came home. Apparently those 4 years of abuse gave him the right to emotionally and physically abuse his children. I will not forgive or forget.
My parents were not the bullying type, but we lived in an area of intellectual and monetary poorness. We were in a Canadian favella and going to school was always an adventure: What gang bully am I going to encounter, this morning ? We finally overcame all these fuckers by being faster on foot and faster between the ears. They are all dead now or just rotting in some cheap hospice.
We are richer but just the same old age.
What is the lesson of that?
People are assholes. That's what Mom would say. Every day, I came home and she had me sit down at the dining room table to tell her about my day. Miss you mom--she left to her reward in 2011. Thank God for my little brother
I love family, also known as the people who say "you should have higher self-esteem, you idiot!"
I'm sorry you went through this.
I know exactly what you mean!