It's Not Women's Jobs to Fix Broken Men

Ladies: You Aren't a Repair Shop for Abusive Fellas

Most women aren’t trained to be able to fix men’s mental health issues. Photo: Gerald Collyns on Pixabay

If you talk to anyone who’s ever been in a shitty, abusive relationship, they will tell you the same thing: It’s not a picnic to deal with the daily struggles and drama. It can be downright horrible for your own mental health.

When two people start a relationship, it’s not always easy to spot red flags. Some abusers hide their true intentions quite well. Over time, as the honeymoon phase fades quickly and ends, it becomes easier to spot someone’s potential for abuse. It’s not easy to extricate oneself from the completely toxic situation they find themselves in.

Many people move too quickly in relationships before knowing if the person they choose to be with is worthy of their love. Women seem to be more susceptible to this phenomenon, as most have more caring hearts and empathy toward struggling partners. They often see the men they date as “rough around the edges” or someone they can “fix”.

Ladies: It is NOT your job to fix a man. While some men struggle with the issues they have and genuinely want to change, many more refuse to be called out and told what they need to do. Some would rather gaslight and abuse their partner rather than do the right things, like admitting when they’re wrong, apologizing, or going to therapy.

That’s immature, dickish behavior.

I’m not sure why so many men are afraid of therapy. Perhaps it’s society’s way of shaming men about their feelings. Young boys are taught that it’s not ok to feel their emotions, and certainly not ok to put them on display for the world to see.

Remember these gems from childhood? “Boys don’t cry. Toughen up. Don’t be a pussy.”

How many men out there were shamed for crying during childhood? That’s nonsense, being told it’s wrong to feel your emotions. Talk to a therapist about that. Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

Generations of boys were never given the tools to succeed as men. Many never had the chance to be nurtured in a caring, loving home. Most were told in a roundabout way that their feelings didn’t matter and that their sadness and sorrow were things to be ashamed of. They grew up angry and resentful assholes because of this.

Some outgrow their upbringing and manage to have healthy relationships in life. But many more hide their sadness, anger, and disappointment. They bury it deep down and refuse to deal with their emotional issues. Some turn abusive and lash out at the people closest to them, whom they should love and value the most.

Women become rehab centers for emotionally damaged men. Yet they are ill-equipped and untrained to deal with their partner’s issues.

There are reasons that clinical therapists are required to have extensive education and knowledge to open a practice and counsel clients. My Bride has her Master’s Degree and almost 25 years of experience. She deals with very difficult clients and their intricate mental health issues regularly. It’s not easy to help many clients despite all of her training and experience.

So, how is the average woman with no training supposed to live in peace and harmony with a man holding in a lifetime full of mental health issues? Though many of these psychologically and emotionally damaged men do want to be helped and are receptive to changing for the better, their partner is ill-equipped to be their therapist.

If he’s willing to see a therapist to deal with his mental health struggles, there’s a chance to save the relationship. It can be difficult, but it’s worth it. Photo by Nik Shuliahin 💛💙 on Unsplash

Even if their girlfriend, boyfriend, or spouse is willing to attempt to help them, without proper training, it’s usually impossible. When change doesn’t happen quickly, it can cause frustration, anger, and even violence. As much as a partner wants to help a struggling spouse, it’s often not possible.

Men need to drop the macho bullshit act and accept that it’s ok to seek professional help. If you care about the woman you’re with, it should be your top priority to seek counseling. As scary as the idea is of confronting your past and talking about your present, it’s essential to have a better, healthier future.

Especially if you expect someone you love to want to stick around for that future.

I admire women who do all that they can to keep a relationship solid and healthy. When you add children into the equation, it’s even more vital that both parents are role-modeling a healthy relationship. You don’t want to pass the unwanted gift of dysfunction, anger, and abusive tendencies to your children.

Women cannot do this alone. Men, you need to meet the person you love halfway. If it’s obvious that your relationship is becoming toxicly fucked up, you have to let go of your fear and pride to grow and progress as a human being, a spouse, and a man.

Don’t put so much pressure on your person. She’s not your emotional punching bag. It’s not her job to fix you. She is not a clinical therapist. She is untrained to deal with the emotional onslaught that you’re sending her way.

She’s there to love you, not to fix you.

Women should not have to put up with broken men. Don’t try to fix him if he’s unwilling to address his own issues. Photo by Andi Kensington on Pexels

This goes both ways sometimes. I’ve experienced those kinds of volatile relationships where I debated daily about leaving the relationship. You talk yourself out of it constantly. You rationalize that if you could just fix “X, Y, and Z”, this person would be so much better to you and your relationship would recover.

I can tell you how this usually ends: Badly.

If the person you’re with refuses to seek professional help, and you’re struggling daily with your mental health, it’s time to go. The person you choose to walk with during your Life’s Journey should be willing to work with you about fixing their mental health issues for the betterment of your relationship or marriage.

You are not required to be someone’s scapegoat. They will drag you down to the level of suffering they are experiencing if you allow that shit to happen. A stubborn person who refuses to seek professional help will likely find themselves alone sooner rather than later.

It’s up to you to do better, Fellas. She’s not required to be your rehab center or counselor. Treat yourself well, get therapy, and you’ll be better equipped to treat her and your children well. There’s no shame in working on your issues with a professional counselor.

Ditto for the ladies who are struggling and the men who are trying to fix them. The same rules apply. I see you and hope for better mental health and healthy relationships for you all.

© 2025 The Mouthy Renegade Writer. All rights reserved.

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