I think it’s a good idea to face death before it’s at the door. I know several people who have died and been brought back. To a person they no longer fear it. Not saying you should give it a trust run, but maybe trust those who have.
One way to deal with your father’s situation is to bow to never put your family in that situation. From watching numerous people come and go from assisted living facilities, it has become apparent that those who go on, willingly, before they “need” to go, (or before they think they “need” to go, which is more common) do a lot better than those who go only when it is painfully obvious that the time has come. Why? Those who go in earlier adjust more quickly, make new friends, get to experience the joy of having someone do all the work for you. Also, independent living is a lot less expensive than assisted living, and it’s a lot more fun. And these people tend to live in assisted living a very long time, many into their late 90s or even 100s.
Meanwhile, those who wait until the last minute are never happy again, fester in their rooms, often unable to enjoy the company of their compatriots, with room costs that are exorbitant, and they often don’t live long and die unhappy.
I plan to go at the earliest opportunity. As soon as I need the least little bit of help, baby, I’m gone. And I look forward to living at least a couple decades there, comfortable in the knowledge there are competent staff keeping an eye on things, and that if (when) I’m finally going over the edge, they’ll act in my best interests. I’m gonna look forward a nice catholic organization owned by a bunch of nuns. They won’t spend much, will keep costs down, and they’ll do the right thing when it’s time.
Things Always work out, and you know you've got a Lot of support from your family, friends and all of your followers here on Substack. As always, love your Aunt Spazzy 🥰 XO 👍💯🐶👈
I've had so many deaths in my life, in just the past few years 7, I've actually been numb in a way.... I think about death all the time now. My 16 year old cat is now dying from renal failure and I'm not coping well. He's a beautiful boy and I simply cannot imagine being without him. But I went through the same thing with my parents. It was a soul crushing experience, it destroyed my health and I still haven't recovered, if I ever will... I try to take each day as a new day. Life can be so very hard in so many ways.
So, take care of yourself and your family, that's very important.....try not to overextend yourself.....if possible, try not to think about death quite so much, it can really do a job on you...... it's something I'm also working on.
Be safe out there, thank you for sharing your thoughts, like the others here, I was concerned. 🙏💙🕊️
I am so relieved!!! I know you are worried about dad, good children do. But how does he see it? As a pastor, I hope that he looks forward to “going home” a place where he will be with God, Jesus, loved ones, in a place with no more pain and suffering, being restored to perfect health…at peace.
We felt that way when my dad passed 3 years ago. He passed at the moment when 4 people in his house had just left the room for whatever reason:bathroom, kitchen…hospice nurse who came to relieve us , telling us to do something good for ourselves…a nap , walk, or going out for a bite told us he passed after checking his vitals. He was smiling.
It was hard at first, but at 94, we were glad he did not have to suffer anymore. After this my youngest sister accepted Christ. Though those of us who are. Christian cannot fathom how MAGA fail to understand that Jesus as Lord would be so disappointed!
Do what dad wants… it is his comfort that matters now. With dementia, it is ok to stretch the truth or lie, do what is necessary to help keep him happy.
I wish I knew nothing of this topic,....but unfortunately I know it all too well.
Having lost 2 sons in my life,...one before he was born and the other when he was only 5 years old.
After all the wicked stages of grief, I don't think I'll ever be done grieving. It's just my thing now I suppose.
But I know they've lived a "perfect" life. I never held my first son,...no funeral or urn. But he holds such a big piece of my heart and he's constantly on my mind. The other one, well he had a DIPG tumor. The worst kind of tumor a child could get. Terminal upon diagnosis and it pissed me the fuck off.
I'd never heard of it and medical science has yet to determine the cause or anything. It's just some fucked up thing that grows in kids brains. There are no known early symptoms,...it just creeps up on your babies brains and then boom.
Don't tell me that you'll "pray" for me. Life fucken sucks the majority of the time and there's little we can do about it. But here I am. Doing the very best I can. There are 3 little girls that call me "Momma", and I literally do everything for them. I can't be sad. I can't give up. I just don't get to do that.
Dealing with their narcissist father fucken blows too. 😑
Anyways ..... when the dark thoughts and anger creep into my mind,...art helps, reading helps, music helps. I just wish nobody else has to go through this shit.
You know, I’m not one to really say “ I’ll pray for you” to me it feels empty, at times I ramble too much when I feel I can relate ( always been my nature).
I wanted to tell you something I have always found very neat - you know that other bullshit statement” oh, they will always be with you” well, I don’t know about you but sometime makes me want to punch them.
Back to the neat think. Most of us have heard along the line how we have an equal # of chromosomes- 23 from mom -23 from dad BUT the cool thing is there is acDNA called mitochondrial DNA, it ONLY come from mom to child, so I am comfortable saying- you will always be with THEM. I hope that doesn’t hurt your heart your heart, I lost 2 and then have a rainbow baby. I wish you comfort
I completely agree,...for many reasons, one being the fact that you already pointed out. Also, to add to that, his first sounds that he ever heard was MY heartbeat,...I fed him before he had a mouth,...I felt him(them) before they were born. They were and literally are still a part of me.
I thank you for your kind words. And I'm sorry for your losses as well. It's never easy,..but at least we can find comfort (sometimes) in knowing that we are not alone, and we share our sadness with others.
I think you may find that, like many, your feelings and thoughts about death will change. A certain... acceptance... of the inevitable rises. Worrying about it just uses up time you could be using for other things, like your wife and Mooch.
Well, if you wrote an article like that, what did you THINK it was going to sound like? Sure sounded like a suicide note to me!
I think it’s a good idea to face death before it’s at the door. I know several people who have died and been brought back. To a person they no longer fear it. Not saying you should give it a trust run, but maybe trust those who have.
One way to deal with your father’s situation is to bow to never put your family in that situation. From watching numerous people come and go from assisted living facilities, it has become apparent that those who go on, willingly, before they “need” to go, (or before they think they “need” to go, which is more common) do a lot better than those who go only when it is painfully obvious that the time has come. Why? Those who go in earlier adjust more quickly, make new friends, get to experience the joy of having someone do all the work for you. Also, independent living is a lot less expensive than assisted living, and it’s a lot more fun. And these people tend to live in assisted living a very long time, many into their late 90s or even 100s.
Meanwhile, those who wait until the last minute are never happy again, fester in their rooms, often unable to enjoy the company of their compatriots, with room costs that are exorbitant, and they often don’t live long and die unhappy.
I plan to go at the earliest opportunity. As soon as I need the least little bit of help, baby, I’m gone. And I look forward to living at least a couple decades there, comfortable in the knowledge there are competent staff keeping an eye on things, and that if (when) I’m finally going over the edge, they’ll act in my best interests. I’m gonna look forward a nice catholic organization owned by a bunch of nuns. They won’t spend much, will keep costs down, and they’ll do the right thing when it’s time.
That’s my take.
I had chuckle reading this article as I remembered the Rasta man saying:
"Everybody want go Heaven but they all afraid to die"
You cope how you do. Mom was placed in care and I thank the stars she remembered who I was -- even though she was Mom 2.O.
Dad was on it till the end--I talked to him every night til the end.
Life AND death are hard.
Keeping you and your family in my prayers and heart. Praying for your strength to handle all of this. 💜🙏🐝
We love you, your family, and one another. Life is hard but we will take hands--in life and metaphorically. 🥰♾️
Hi Jason,
Sorry to hear about your father. Its never easy when we need to become the caregiver of our own parents.
If youre looking for help navigating this all, Cindy Martindale runs a great publication on here with stacks of industry tips and great advice.
https://substack.com/@cindymartindale
Things Always work out, and you know you've got a Lot of support from your family, friends and all of your followers here on Substack. As always, love your Aunt Spazzy 🥰 XO 👍💯🐶👈
Your mother will likely need you if your father passes...so.maybe no Podcast that day 🤔
I've had so many deaths in my life, in just the past few years 7, I've actually been numb in a way.... I think about death all the time now. My 16 year old cat is now dying from renal failure and I'm not coping well. He's a beautiful boy and I simply cannot imagine being without him. But I went through the same thing with my parents. It was a soul crushing experience, it destroyed my health and I still haven't recovered, if I ever will... I try to take each day as a new day. Life can be so very hard in so many ways.
So, take care of yourself and your family, that's very important.....try not to overextend yourself.....if possible, try not to think about death quite so much, it can really do a job on you...... it's something I'm also working on.
Be safe out there, thank you for sharing your thoughts, like the others here, I was concerned. 🙏💙🕊️
Good and loving words, thank you--wish my and my brother had this when Mom and Dad left the planet 🤗🥰❤️♾️
I am so relieved!!! I know you are worried about dad, good children do. But how does he see it? As a pastor, I hope that he looks forward to “going home” a place where he will be with God, Jesus, loved ones, in a place with no more pain and suffering, being restored to perfect health…at peace.
We felt that way when my dad passed 3 years ago. He passed at the moment when 4 people in his house had just left the room for whatever reason:bathroom, kitchen…hospice nurse who came to relieve us , telling us to do something good for ourselves…a nap , walk, or going out for a bite told us he passed after checking his vitals. He was smiling.
It was hard at first, but at 94, we were glad he did not have to suffer anymore. After this my youngest sister accepted Christ. Though those of us who are. Christian cannot fathom how MAGA fail to understand that Jesus as Lord would be so disappointed!
Do what dad wants… it is his comfort that matters now. With dementia, it is ok to stretch the truth or lie, do what is necessary to help keep him happy.
Absolutely 🥰🤗❤️
Life,.....and death,...am I right?
***sigh***
I wish I knew nothing of this topic,....but unfortunately I know it all too well.
Having lost 2 sons in my life,...one before he was born and the other when he was only 5 years old.
After all the wicked stages of grief, I don't think I'll ever be done grieving. It's just my thing now I suppose.
But I know they've lived a "perfect" life. I never held my first son,...no funeral or urn. But he holds such a big piece of my heart and he's constantly on my mind. The other one, well he had a DIPG tumor. The worst kind of tumor a child could get. Terminal upon diagnosis and it pissed me the fuck off.
I'd never heard of it and medical science has yet to determine the cause or anything. It's just some fucked up thing that grows in kids brains. There are no known early symptoms,...it just creeps up on your babies brains and then boom.
Don't tell me that you'll "pray" for me. Life fucken sucks the majority of the time and there's little we can do about it. But here I am. Doing the very best I can. There are 3 little girls that call me "Momma", and I literally do everything for them. I can't be sad. I can't give up. I just don't get to do that.
Dealing with their narcissist father fucken blows too. 😑
Anyways ..... when the dark thoughts and anger creep into my mind,...art helps, reading helps, music helps. I just wish nobody else has to go through this shit.
Dear heart. Love to you and your family
Thank you. Love to you and your family as well.
Morningstar ,so sorry.
Thank you.
You know, I’m not one to really say “ I’ll pray for you” to me it feels empty, at times I ramble too much when I feel I can relate ( always been my nature).
I wanted to tell you something I have always found very neat - you know that other bullshit statement” oh, they will always be with you” well, I don’t know about you but sometime makes me want to punch them.
Back to the neat think. Most of us have heard along the line how we have an equal # of chromosomes- 23 from mom -23 from dad BUT the cool thing is there is acDNA called mitochondrial DNA, it ONLY come from mom to child, so I am comfortable saying- you will always be with THEM. I hope that doesn’t hurt your heart your heart, I lost 2 and then have a rainbow baby. I wish you comfort
I completely agree,...for many reasons, one being the fact that you already pointed out. Also, to add to that, his first sounds that he ever heard was MY heartbeat,...I fed him before he had a mouth,...I felt him(them) before they were born. They were and literally are still a part of me.
I thank you for your kind words. And I'm sorry for your losses as well. It's never easy,..but at least we can find comfort (sometimes) in knowing that we are not alone, and we share our sadness with others.
Hugs
Memento mori. Amor fati.
Sending prayers for strength, comfort, and peace during these difficult times.
I think you may find that, like many, your feelings and thoughts about death will change. A certain... acceptance... of the inevitable rises. Worrying about it just uses up time you could be using for other things, like your wife and Mooch.
Just a thought from an old man.
Ty, I was worried a bit but I believe YOU can handle MOST situations as they come to you.